Pleasure && Pain

Thursday, December 30, 2004

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{ danced @ 9:50 PM )

Monday, December 06, 2004

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yox! hahax.. juz came back frm 21'03 chalet today.. 4d3n.. longest chalet i've ever went to.. -mountain cow-.. lolx..

friday

met jenn at 5 at amk mrt station ta go get her tee at bugis.. hahaz.. bugis rocks! ther's lotsa stuffz arund ther.. aniways de duffel yang lent me had no strap! and there r stil stuffs inside.. haha.. so we wen ta look for a strap.. a very kind uncle din charge us for de strap! hehex.. so we proceeded ta meet edmund at yishun ta take 853 ta east coast..

bought 39 bucks worth of titbits [excluding drinks and cup noodles].. wahx! lolx.. hmmmz.. edmund down wit cough.. so he cudnt eat de titbits.. hahaz.. they were counting on me ta go ta de chalet cuz they din noe wher ta alight.. somehow we ended up at kallang interchange --".. jialatz rt.. they looked lik they wanted ta murder me.. esp. edmund.. hahax.. asked around and boarded 16.. finally alighted at the right place but still lost our way arund.. --".. edmund was lik "argh.. y did i trust u..".. hahax..

reached de chalet at 10pm.. lik finally.. hahaz.. watched survivor.. selian and bryan had a hard time explaining ta me.. hahax.. stil dun quite understand tho.. >.<.. was stuffing myself wit chocs.. [tink i ate most of the chocs we bought =X]..

edmund and mingzhi wanted ta slp.. bt ended up disturbing each other.. hahaz.. in the end nobody really slpt till 5am i tink.. was busy gambling.. dai dee and blackjack.. hahaz.. shuyi, jenn and me slpt at 8am.. hahaz.. was laughing at stupit things on tebe.. and bu zhi bu jue we fell aslp.. --" woke up at 10am..

saturday

woke up ta pat's voice.. xia si ren.. hahas.. luan was ther too.. haha.. pat and jenn rented rollerblades while the rest of us were on bikes.. the gears werent good i tink.. hmmm.. wen ta bedok jetty agenz.. wasnt as nice.. not much wind and it was quite hot.. >.<.. so me, luan, shuyi, bryan and edmund tried ta go ta de end of east coast.. hahaz.. bt ther was some construction going on? hahax.. turned back and juz wen cycling arund aimlessly.. was chatting wit luan on de bike.. hahaz.. edmund is pro on de bike.. xingying xiying and mingzhi was fast manz.. >.<.. i tot for once i had a rather smooth journey wen we were on de way ta return the bikes.. then juz in front of the rental i crashed into a little girl --".. bad luck. humph.

edmund mingzhi and yiqiang wen ta hab lunch aft tt while de rest of us wen ta arcade.. miss ddr loads! hehex.. and ther's this interesting punching machine.. luan has strength manx.. >.<.. aft tt we wen ta get some stuffs at 7eleven.. luan jenn and i got snapple [isit spelt like tis?].. i tink mine was nicee.. ^_^.. strawberry kiwi.. hehex.. [ANYBODY GOT DRINK SNAPPLE THEN GIVE ME THE CAPS.. COLLECTING IT..] hehex.. wen back ta de chalet and starting playing cards again..

kejun and ken arrived shortly aft.. played cards.. --".. a bunch of compulsive gamblers --".. hehex.. din do much the whole day lohz.. jux played cards and watched tebe.. muihiang left tt night.. at night we played some childish games.. hahaz.. entangle, blind cat, blah blah blah.. was funny! hahax.. i dun mind being childish all the way.. hahax..

was tough slping tt night.. coz it was damn packed.. hahas.. kejun selian and me had ta slp in a "di ku position".. hahahax.. slp till veri jialatx.. bt tink we slpt for lik.. 7hrs? hahax.. quite long.. hehex..

sunday

was indoors playing cards in de morn.. hahas.. again.. xingying shuyi selian ken mingzhi edmund left before aftnn.. denz we decided ta get out and get some fresh air.. wen ta arcade.. ther's tis cute game.. forgot the name.. hahas.. anyways all of us except xiying tried it.. the characters got many 'patterns'.. all very cute except for bryan's character.. lolx..

then we wen ta mac as xiying was starving.. hahax.. bryan and xiying wen ta get their food.. me jenn kejun yiqiang was tinking of saving food money.. bt in the end we got our food and drinks at the mac cafe.. was damn ex.. hahas.. xiying treated all of us ice cream cones.. me and jenn tried ta act rich.. used the fork ta eat ice cream cone.. lolx.. xiying saw two guys in rollerblades going ta toilet.. then we started cracking jokes bout it.. hahax.. funny..

xiying wen ta rent rollerblades and bryan got a bike.. wen ta play bumper cars.. its 3 bucks for 2 mins.. --".. bang for fun.. hahax.. later on me jenn bryan decided ta get blades as well and yiqiang got himself a bike.. so the 6 of us got 4 blades and 2 bikes.. and nobody knew hw ta blade.. --".. ther's tis guy at the rental de.. he's funny.. hahaz.. forced all of us ta go ovr de hump.. and defined xiying's hobby.. lolx..

aft some time me jenn xiying kejun was okie on de blades already.. so we decided ta blade ta 7eleven.. and i fell lik 6 times on the way? --".. ther were 8 humps and i fell on my left bum for 6 times.. jialatz.. hahax.. ther was tis exceptionally high bump.. xiying fell.. kejun fell.. i fell.. then the 3 of us was sitting ther laughing at ourselves and jenn didnt fall! woot.. hahax..

they bought some drinks and nachos and we started ta make our way back.. guess wat.. i didnt fall! all the way! woo-hoo.. hehex.. jenn fell once.. xiying kejun din fall too i tink.. yay.. hehex.. it was already 11plus wen we were back at the chalet.. means we bladed for lik 4+hrs? wahz.. hahaz.. took turns ta bathe.. the room was ultra smelly.. lolx..

guess wat we did aft bathing? hahaz.. we played cards.. --".. expected.. hahaz.. kejun won lik 10bucks frm xiying.. jialatz.. --".. me jenn xiying was losing while kejun yiqiang bryan was winning.. then jenn came up wit de conclusion tt xingying won too much on sat tts y de gals r losing.. and ken lost too much on sat tts y de guys r winning.. hahax..

3+am and bryan decided ta go blading.. >.<.. yiqiang wen wit him.. we cont ta play dai dee.. oh yah.. xiying is de dai dee queen.. hahaz.. at 4.11am we decided ta slp.. hahaz.. 1 bed ta 1 person.. shuangz.. lolx.. din noe hw i fell aslp.. juz.. fell aslp.. hahaz..

monday

xiying woke up at 10.27 wen we're supposed ta check out at 10.30!! hahax.. and she was de 1st.. --".. a bunch of pigs.. hahax.. so we quickly got up and packed up.. it was raining so we didnt dare ta blade.. so asked kejun bryan ta use bike help us return our gears and blades.. hahax.. bryan made two trips while kejun made 3.. meanwhile we returned the keys and so on..

played dai dee again while waiting for the shuttle bus.. hahaz.. cracked some lame jokes bout roasted pig floss and all.. hahaz.. den jenn wen home.. me xiying kejun bryan yiqiang wen ta hab brunch at bugis.. de stuffs r ex ther.. act rich again.. go ther eat.. hahax.. saw lyndy.. wen ta walk walk at bugis aft brunch.. actually wan go yiqiang or my hse play dai dee againz de.. buden too late le.. so juz wen home..

ttz bout all lohz.. sianz sia at home againz le.. dunno y lei.. dun lik being at home.. veri gek.. sianz.. dun eben hab my own place nw le.. im territorial lors.. haiz.. oki okie lahz.. go slp le.. -yawnz- nitez evri1 =))

{ danced @ 10:04 PM )

Thursday, December 02, 2004

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yox! updating again.. hahax.. ytd qi and qiao came my hse ta watch sg idol.. den bing veri act guai lohz.. act cute oso.. hahax.. bt ltr den he started being violent already.. hahax.. den i hit him rt, qiao go shield him.. aiyo.. cannot so xin ruan de wat.. nxt tym qiao sure spoil her children de.. lolx..

hmmmz.. tml's 2/1 chalet! looking forward siaz.. heex.. den stil gotta buy xmas pressies.. heh heh.. hmmx.. my fringe lookz weird nw.. --".. sianz.. lookz oki on pic lahz.. buden.. sigh.. hahaz..

read bout tis.. found it veri touching >.<

When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms..

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms.
The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat.
My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms.
So I carried her into our home.
She was then plump and shy.
I was a strong and happy bridegroom.
This was the scene of ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water:
we had a kid, I went into business and tried to make more money.
When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb.
She was a civil servant.
Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time.
Our kid was studying in a boarding school.
Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy.
But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life.
It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony.
Dew hugged me from behind.
My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love.
This was the apartment I bought for her.
Dew said, You are the kind of man who best draws girls.
Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife.
When we just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.
Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant.
I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn' t help doing so.
I moved Dew's hands aside and said, You go to select some furniture, O.K.?
I 've got something to do in the company.
Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her.

At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.
However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it.
No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.
Honestly, she was a good wife.
Every evening she was busy preparing dinner.
I was sitting in front of the TV.
The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together.
Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body.
This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do?
She stared at me for a few seconds without a word.
Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her.
I couldn' t imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.
When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out.
Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her.
She seemed to have got some hint.
She gently smiled at my subordinates.
But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, Divorce her, O.K.?
Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand.
I 've got something to tell you, I said.
She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn' t know how to open my mouth.
But I had to let her know what I was thinking.
I want to divorce. I raised a serious topic calmly.
She didn t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry.
She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

At that night, we didn t talk to each other.
She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage.
But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces.
I felt a pain in my heart.
The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day.
But I could not take back what I had said.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see.
To me her cry was actually a kind of release.

The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.
A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients.
I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast.
When I woke up, I found she was still there.
I turned over and was asleep again.
She brought up her divorce conditions: she didnt want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal life as possible.
Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didnt want him to see our marriage was broken.
She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, Do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?
This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me.
I nodded and said, I remember .
You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce.
From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.
I accepted with a smile.
I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.
She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd.
No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully.
Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed.
We even treated each other as a stranger.
So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy.
Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms.
His words brought me a sense of pain.
From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms.
She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don t tell our son.
I nodded, feeling somewhat upset.
I put her down outside the door.
She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily.
She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse.
I realized that I hadn' t looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time.
I found she was not young any more.
There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became more vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.I didn t tell Dew about this. I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now.

She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, All my dresses have grown fatter. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.
Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.

I held her tightly and said, Both you and I didn t notice that our life was lack of such intimacy. I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious. She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I wont divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didnt value the details of life, not because we didn t love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office. When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favourite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote,

I 'll carry you out every morning until we are old.

{ danced @ 2:01 PM )