Pleasure && Pain

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

>>>

im alive and kicking again! whee. teehee.

food poisoning is really v disgusting u know vomitting all the stuff out.. eeks. i promise my body i won't let a 7th time happen. (:

everybody doing pw! where r my members?! dunno die until where liao. hahaha.

DA VINCI CODE ANYONE?! i wanna watch it! ):

i got so bored today i went to play maplestory. hahaha. and kj's championship manager --" both play 5mins dunwan play liao. hahaha.

went swimming again! hee. but unlike what samew had said, i think my skin colour rocks hahaha. he said i should get a nice tan. i swam at the sheltered part of the pool =P

i wanna buy so many stuff for u but i dunno wat excuses/reasons to give. haha. save my money also. lol.

was chatting with dean on the mrt+bus ytd. he's stil so funny! hahaha. DEAN, THOSE WERE THE DAYS. HAHAHA. looking forward to eoy chalet. whee.

ah, memories. haha (:

but im not gonna live in the past. jus gonna look back occasionally. right, pat? hahahahaha.
do you really know me now?

{ danced @ 9:10 PM )

Saturday, May 27, 2006

>>>

ytd i wanted to pon sch, cos they all guessed it'd be a full day off. luckily i didn't go, cos i vomited bile at 7am, 10am and 1pm. then had diarrhea twice. felt v xin ku. ): the worse thing is that, i asked pat, xingying, xiying, ken and jiawei to come ovr for a mahjong session. i ended up not playing of cos. ): the doc said it was food poisoning [like er, for the 6th time in my life?]. i only had a slight fever of 37.1 degrees at the docs. but at night it shot to 38.8 degrees. after sleeping almost the whole of ytd and waking up at 11am today, my temp is still at 37.8. boo. ): but at least i feel much better alrdy. (:

thanks people for coming ovr to pei me ytd, altho ur came for the mj. haha. pat was talking like some love expert. aherms. tt girl was super high ytd. haha. and esp. kj. haha. (: and my mum and dad! they're wonderful. (: and my sis who helped me chui bei. haha. (: (:

i dun care i wan another mahjong session! ):

looking forward to slpovrs. haha. yay. (:

qiao : yup its super cuteee! sugar overload. hee. yup twister fries is like super nice. hee. i miss u loads loads loads man! ):

jeannie : dun wan la. tell u why next time. haha.

{ danced @ 11:25 AM )

Sunday, May 21, 2006

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whoa. so tired. haha. reached home at like, 10. haha. bought slippers, notepad, earrings, etc. haha. i thought going out would distract me. but when i got tired i starting thinking again. haha. hmm.

i wanna watch over the hedge! da vinci code also out le. looks nice. haha.

fries are like so nice nowadays. got shaker fries. then bk got crisscut fries. then now mac got the curly fries again! yay. haha. tml going macs with kenli, ah ting and kaili for pw. can eat. hee.

cheerleading? haha. hmm dunno.

h3? dunno also. haha. will be so no life, study whole day. i dun even feel like studying wats required nowadays. still got take extra. haha. but scared regret next time when i more in the mood/state to study. hmm. shall decide on mon.

{ danced @ 1:12 AM )

Saturday, May 20, 2006

>>>

well, today's a half day. pei-ed kj in the lib until he was supposed to meet his team to go chalet tgtr, then went home.. nobody was free. hai. wats the point of a half day when u go straight home.

anyway i missed 36 twice opposite vj. then saw serhua and took 36 with her. she was going to slp till 3pm then bs wld go to her house. haha. some xin fu girl. anyway she failed pull ups like me. we both got 2 for mock napfa [passing was 3 then] and 6 for the real napfa [passing = 7]. lol. watever. im not gonna retake. i'll pon third period pe anyway. no diff. i've been getting bronze for the whole of my life anyway. im only concerned bout 2.4, of which i clocked a timing of 13.40mins! so happy with myself, altho i felt tt i could have done better. anyway, one more napfa test next yr and NO MORE PHYSICAL TEST FOR ME. wahaha. im so glad to be a girl.

which reminds me, kenli and clar said given a choice, they'd want to be guys. WHY? im so happy to be a girl know. u can be weak and everything. and people are supposed to dote on u. wat an advantaged gender. weird people huh. or maybe its the gp essay, PEOPLE ALWAYS WANT WHAT THEY CANNOT HAVE. lol. im abit sot diao today.

anyway i took a long time to reach home. took my own sweet time. reached home at 3 i think. or 3 plus. haha. was starving, cos i only had breakfast at like 6am. like 9 hours without food can. will die. haha. ate 2 puddings and some biscuits and got super full. felt v fat so decided to go SWIM!

swam 22 laps in 55mins. umm the laps v short one lah dunno why. i swim like some tortoise [note: turtles swim alot faster than tortoises!]. then got a super irritating guy who kept kajiao-ing me everytime he overtakes me. HOW COME SO SLOW? WEI SHE ME ZHE ME MAN? SWIM FASTER LEH. wth! like i know him. v irritating lor this kind of people. stupid heaven make fun of me today. wats new?

yup so by the time i finish bathing at all it was 8.30pm alrdy. my ma drove me there [safra]. there was no straight bus so i had to walk home. i was super hungry and craving for cabbage and sausages. but i went to like, 5 coffeeshops but none of the mixed veggy rice stalls was open. see, i told u i v suay today liao. so i walked non-stop from 8.30 to 9.30 when i reached home, shagged and starving. poor me ):

there's no point in looking back. i dun understand why am i totally shattered. i shouldnt be, right? im much stronger than this. i hope.

i really hope jc dont totally ruin me. it may make me smarter, more sociable, watever. but its eating me away, bit by bit. or am i eating myself away? i only know im losing myself. let these all be over.

thanks pat anqi qiao clarence jeannie for tagging. love ya all. (:

{ danced @ 12:36 AM )

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

>>>

why am i still not adapting to vj? guess i never will.

i miss all my friends. the people here are so different. its freaking me out. i miss having someone pei-ing me wherever i go, i miss someone waiting me to go classes tgtr and to sit tgtr during practs. i miss having company after school, even if its just going home tgtr. i miss friends who share secrets with me. i miss having shoulders to cry on when i feel like crying. i miss people being mean to people who bully me. i miss being mean with them. i miss everything about my friends.

maybe its me. in vj i feel so lonely. as if friends are all so superficial. everybody wants to go home after school. i feel like im always sticking irritatingly, like superglue, to people. i just don't like to be alone. ):

finally figured out why some people enjoy jc so much more than sec sch. think they are losers who couldnt and/or didnt want to be active in sec sch. and me, i think im a loser who cant be active in jc.

im a failure to a large extent. i never fail to make wrong decisions, and i never fail to fail at who im doing.

i miss swb. i need to cry with them everyday for 2 weeks. at tt point of time everything seemed so bleak, but aft 2 weeks of crying sessions after sch, everything seemed alright again. such sessions only work when ur not alone.

i really dont feel like doing anything nowadays. i feel tired all the time. i cant mug i cant cry i cant concentrate i cant sleep i cant persuade myself to accept that so many things have changed.

i shall just stone.

{ danced @ 6:54 PM )

Friday, May 12, 2006

>>>

ANDERSON SPEECH DAY!!

okay i wasnt paying attention to the event itself much.. rather i was busy catching up with ppl, chatting non-stop and cam whoring the whole time. haha.

pat says this is how ppl in sa share secrets. haha.

i like this pic! taken by us in the toilet, using the mirror! haha. we only realised after this shot that there are ppl in the toilet and we could have asked them to take pictures for us. boo. haha.

pat and i exchanged uniform! my second time in sa uniform. love the uniform to bits! everybody agrees that pat looks better in vj unifrom and i look better in sa uniform. and her pri sch crush is in vj and mine in sa la. and i wanted to go sa and she wanted to come vj. hiak.

and so pat and jenn are from vj!

and shan and i are from sa! hahaha.

GOSH. i cant stand it. sa uniform is so so so so so niceeeeee LAH. but still have to change back. ):

i hate taking pic with hongxiang. i look so fat beside him cos he's so super skinny. boo.

last but not least.. pat, me and out da gor! hahaha. he's so super tall. 183cm! he's like keep growing. haha.

i miss anderson so so so much.. when i saw george the first thing he said was "ah baey!". then the way he talk is still the same.. i miss sitting beside him and gossiping with him..

i miss the way canteen is filled with npg, the mo guis, etc etc.. i miss kazhua's crappiness, fabby's lameness and dean's crappiness+lameness.. haha. i miss running over to 4/2 or have pat running over to 4/3 during breaks.. i miss all the tears we shared in the temp block clsrooms..

i miss having a classroom and having mdm wong come in and switch on the smelly aircon, and the whole cls would evacuate the room.. haha.. i miss mr yong's special performances for our class only.. i miss eating bee-bees right under mr ismail's nose.. i miss jiawei's "GIROU" and the looks we'll always give each other when someone says something.. haha.

and the list goes on and on..

jc is just so different.. when u noe the ppl, they are already grown up. in sec sch we grow and change tgtr, go to town for the 1st time tgtr, and be mountain turtles tgtr. its just so priceless.

{ danced @ 12:49 PM )

Monday, May 08, 2006

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this is so depressing. the whole day people kept asking me, why are u not in house comm? whoa like i know. --" i just said there were not enough people voting for me, which is true in a sense. even on the bus on the way to school, a year 2 pegasian asked me why am i not in house comm. and it was a torture during assembly, seeing all the familiar faces i know in pegasus, watching liqin, jeannie, daphne, (somehow i didn't see jian min. which is err shocking. haha.), clar, debbie, having ashvin sit on my left side and alvin sit on my right side. sigh. ):

i'm so ashamed of myself. ):

oh yah anyway, today i saw a woman with 107 bucks in her ezlink! 107! crazy woman. haha.

and i had to be selective in the people i choose to whine about the house comm results. some people wouldnt even care or bother to react, while some would patiently say nice stuff. it irks me to know some people can comfort other people like that and not me. it only proves that they are not incapable of cheering people up, but im just so unimportant and stupid that they simply cant be bothered. im so not talking about any specific person here. im not angry but instead strangely hurt in a way i cant fathom myself. if the same thing happened to me i would probably be scolded instead of being cheered up.

my disgusting calves have to go away. i dont rmb them being this thick when i was 43kg. so ya, maybe i seriously should diet.

my EoM and heaps of work are still undone. and what am i doing?

{ danced @ 9:12 PM )

Sunday, May 07, 2006

>>>

i didnt get into house comm.. ):
the thing is, i really wanted my family and friends to be proud of me, for once. i wanted 06s46 to have a house comm member, i wanted to tell my parents people voted for me, i wanted to tell dean when i see him on the bus next time that i got into house comm, i wanted everyone around me to be proud of knowing me.. i wanted to be useful.. cos i never felt that way..

but then again, its over and i shall get over it..

i hope the rumours are true though, it would mean i got kicked out, instead of being voted out..

bah. its over. stop thinking and whinning.

actually pw is not that bad la i guess. kenli can do work and clement is funny. haha.

im so tired. feeling lethargic everyday know. i dunno why. i think i have some problem, cos everyday i feel two extreme feelings, super happy and super sad. every single day. rah.

went gym today with pat! whee it was fun. haha chat loads, still got alot haven chat. (: to think i thought we were drifting away and that she didn't like me anymore. geez i cant help agreeing that im oversensitive at times.

hmm special thanks to pat qiao anqi jenn kejun nick mani kenli samantha pearly alvin xinyi and people i may have missed out for smsing me aft the results.. (:

and jeannie daphne clar for the hugs.. jeannie esp., im so proud of her! house capt! (:

and samew grassjelly mani nick for keep trying to cheer me up.. haha. (:

time to move on..

no more fanciful nicks and stuff when it goes unappreciated..

i seriously need to grow up. ):

and i will.

my dad v cartoon u noe. he supports the workers party. so he bought one whole box of toy hammers and one whole box of whistles and his friend bought one carton of beer, and they went to their election rally together. then they distributed one hammer, one whistle and a can of beer to everybody they see. and say, "workers party", and smile. hahaha. 46 yrs old already la! then the next day he was like, "oh ya ah san, ytd i got chased by the police." then he showed me the newspaper article, and one of the 2 people who got arrested was his friend. --" then he was like, "luckily i ran fast enough!"

LOL. CARTOON LEH.

then my mum was like, "lets go voting together." then my dad say, "don't want, u are PAP people, i am workers party people, i don't want go with u." hahaha. poor mum. but my dad is like, super cute. hahaha. (:

pat : hey thanks. (: haha don't copy them la! wei lets diet tgtr. haha.

dean : haha. (: i miss u all so much! ):

clarence : haha thanks. (: i think u said that more than 10 times already. haha. (:

anqi : haha thanks babe. love ya alot too. u cheer up also k. (:

qiao : i miss u alot alot too! meet up for dinner soon. i wan ice cream. haha (: i miss sitting same row as u, like since sec 2 i think. haha. i miss sth messy beside me so much u noe. :P

grow up sharon, grow up.

{ danced @ 9:37 PM )

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

>>>

hmm. finally decided to update. haha. actually i had loads to update, but i was just bursting with a fusion of emotions and stuff that i cant even sort out my feelings myself, much less blog about them.

its all about new stuffs after jc.. new people, new activities, new emotions, new attitudes, new perspectives, new commitments and stuff. guess im still trying to fit into the new me in the new surroundings, and i still cant help but to miss the past.

and you thought only second intakers would have such negative feelings about jc life.

well, some more important highlights of my life right now..

1. house comm results would be out on friday.

2. both vj volleyball girls and guys won their matches today! (:(: whoever said im a jinx.

3. i really wanna train hard for vb. but its still an unrealistic dream. ):

4. coach is staying in vj! whee. (:

5. im gonna flunk my econs.

6. im slacking away like nobody's business.

7. im tired of laughing and looking happy when im not. im not exactly sure why i do it, but i do it all the time.

8. im sick of being myself. it sounds so childish but i really hate myself at times. for not being pretty. for not being the ideal girl. for being useless, i do badly in everything i do. rah. just ignore me.

9. pw is a disaster.

10. i miss the past.
11. i miss the past.
12. i miss the past.
:
:
1001. i miss the past.
1002. i love you.

{ danced @ 7:51 PM )