Pleasure && Pain

Monday, July 31, 2006

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IM so in the mood for tutorials. barely read through a page and here i am updating alr. no mood for anything nowadays. having a headache for 3 days in a row (and counting) and having diarrhea on the third day aint exactly great. ): feels like im gonna die any moment. all the pills aint working.

EATEATEAT. been such a pig these days lar. and tt zhibo kept calling me pig when he only slept like 5mins less than me. totally zhibotic. somebody eye candy wat. but if i jian fei i'll take off soon, if u get what i mean. haiz. but i feel super fat and unsightly. ):

FEEL so tired. weekends are supposed to let me get some rest. but i spent last weekend "doing pw" at zhibo's place with kejun and qibo. but kejun is like the only one doing pw lar. but it still was tiring, although we did close to nothing. feel so drained, and its only monday.

VOLLEYBALL tmr. cheerleading right afterwards. if they confirm confirm tt im in the team on sat, i may just quit vb lar. feel quite lonely ther cos they're all ips and its like odd number. like amelia and wenqian. then ruth and poline. then im like odd one out. not like they pai chi me, but we always have to do pairwork wat. tsk. but i really want to be in the team and stuff. somebody please tell me truthfully if its genuinely possible or simply a far fetched fat hope. stupid swiss cheat my feelings.

THINK im not continuing with maths h3. fooseebon leh. crap.

REALLY wanna join anqi jacq yuyan at studio wu lar. its like i miss jitterbugs (altho its quite crap there), and they've moved on to studio wu alr. if i quit vb im so gonna join them man. somemore tt anqi keeps tempting me. ):

SO looking forward to national day week. altho i foresee loads of pw. well, at least i dont have to wake up at unearthly hours and spend 3hrs of my day on buses.

FEEL like im falling sick. but i know i wont lar. just tt weak weak feeling. tsk. and the headache just wont go away.

BEEN how long since i last caught up with pat man. been how long since i last saw the 2/1 chinese girls. been how long since i saw ppl in fourthree05. been how long since i last gossiped and talked with clar, samew and qibo. i miss everything man. altho im certain i'd miss 06s46 when i graduate next yr. but im beginning to forget vadiance, 06s55 and some other stuff. im so scared i'd forget everything, bit by bit, unknowingly.

ITS so weird. i dont know what this life of mine is leading to.

SOMEBODY is spastic lar. one kind of act like jing long yu and dog on the bus. made me look like a clown totally. haha.

i hope i'd treasure everything that i have now and dont lose all the memories of the past.

{ danced @ 9:14 PM )

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

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HMM. didnt want to go for interact today. was super lazy and tired. not to mention it was the only day i got time to go wherever i want and slack after school. luckily i went though. vanvan, rusty, gibgib are super cute kids. but they are the most rowdy in class (i think). the clique's most quiet two kids were "under" yiteng. i wonder if they are quiet cos they are under her(she also quiet wut), or are they just quiet. haha. vanvan insisted that i look like the baby bugs bunny on her foolscap pad. melmel is more problematic. clar had her hands full dealing with him. he's quite poor thing lar. but im nt gonna take over him nxt wk. contented with my kids. LOL.

VOLLEYBALL is quite slack and fun these days. swiss is obviously not very serious abt the ips lar. i seriously dont know my chances of getting through in december cos i cant differentiate between false hopes and truthful opinions. but since its so fun and everything, i shall stick with it for the time being. treat as exercise lor. cant stand somebody though. keep complaining to poor kejun nowadays. who else can i complain to? haha. can i blame her for being selfish? the world's cruel anyway.

GOING for my first maths H3 lesson tmr. wondering if i can cope. its conditional lar, im not like somebody who got 3As and got accepted guang ming zhen da-ly to H3. haha. its kejun btw. i'll just drop it if i cant cope lar. with mondays ending at 5plus, vb on tues and thurs, interact on wed and cheerleading on tues, fri and sat, im doubting my ability to even cope with my H2 subjects. haha. sundays are reserved for vcd watching and slacking. right? (:

PW rocks lar. im sure clement, kejun and kenli agrees with me. one thousand years later kaili would probably agree too, if he has an opinion for once.

ITS really nice to see samew and qibo working hard now. the class seems rather dead these days. or is it just me?

WE'RE probably having a PW sleepover after some meaningful college day on sat, at zhibo's place. so exciting right. totally cant wait. imagine, PWing the whole night.

MS NG is probably going to "own" us tmr. all thanks to the disgusting fooseebon. im going to hate him forever man. kwekkwek is so much better. lol. altho he's definitely going to suan me abt the oscillations test again.

TADA!

OoO : who are you? haha. thanks anyway. (:

x-yingz : i think i prefer seoul. hahaha. i miss the 11 chinese girls times. lets drop by the playground. (:

jenn : YEA! WE SHOULD. totally.

pat : i.. i.. i admit.. i.. dont miss u. hahaha. kidding lar. actually I MISS YOU LOADS MAN! ):

{ danced @ 9:18 PM )

Saturday, July 22, 2006

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TSK. so long nvr post. think ppl also dun come my blog ler. hahaha.

HMM. so much stuff in my head recently. and i can't like tell all of them to one person. spreading different probs to different ppl just seems wrong. so its all stuck in me.

ACTUALLY not much probs also lar. at least i'm quite happy with things as they are now. i believe that when god takes something from u, he'd give u sth back too. if not, he'll have his reasons. so yar. (:

AND i'm blessed with all the ppl ard me. yup. but just that starting to distance frm some ppl tt i used to be close to? it feels kinda weird at times. with all the vb, interact, cheerleading and minimal mugging, i start to question what will i gain at the end of these 2 yrs at vj. learning experience? i know i'd gain loads but is tt wat i want? actually im kinda weird, i prefer to put friends and relationships before achievements. but because other ppl dont i feel obliged to do otherwise. actually what i want to gain is just life-long friendships and good grades. but now it seems like im getting neither, if this continues.

DUNNO why im so sad over some stuff. im quite a slow learner at some stuff. but when i can do something, im not given the chances to. its like whats the point of being willing to train hard when nobody gives me the chance to? and i always find myself being cheated. all the false hopes. i hope i dont end up with nothing in the end. kejun said tt its the process rather than the result tt matters. but without the hope for results, there wouldn't be process right? who doesn't want their hardwork to pay off?

THINK im still quite immature and stuff. cos i always find myself feeling the urge to just cry and scream "its not fair" till my lungs burst. i know god has his reasons for everything that happens to me. but i cant help hating myself for being fat and flat, for having disgusting calves, for not being able to play vb well, for not being to do a cartwheel, for not having the chance to train hard, for not having the chance to fly, for being such a greedy pig, for being so big sized, for having ugly hair, for having dark eye circles, for being indecisive, for being so immature and for sucking at everything i do.

WHY everytime i feel indecisive and just need some advise people just tell me that i'm 17 and old enough to make my own decisions? i just cant, cos all my life i've been making all the wrong decisions that im too afraid of the consequences to just go ahead with my own decision.

SOMETIMES i really feel that im too weak for this world. im not gonna become stronger with all the trials and tribulations, im gonna collapse.

BUT im so glad i still have you. (:

BIRTHDAYS coming up. with all that planning on what to do and what surprises and all. i wonder what will happen on my birthday this yr? and i just realised i've never had a surprise because its a december thingy. guess it'd stay this way.

LAME GOR, im sorry for only updating now. i know u cant live without my blog entries. haha.

{ danced @ 11:25 PM )

Saturday, July 01, 2006

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SHOPPING!

goodness! shopping is like so fun okay. im like super happy after today. -smiles like the most fortunate girl on earth-

great singapore sales rock lar. but we're a tad too late. many nice clothes have only Ls and XLs left. SO SAD!

bought a top and a skirt from zara. the skirt is like so super duper nice. the design only left 2 pieces lar. one M green and one S white. wanted to get both, but the green one (which is the nicer one!) wil drop lar. was so happy when the S sized skirt is like loose on me. wahaha.

BUTBUTBUT. later we went to bugis village and i bought a denim skirt. that person still ask i wan try S or M lar. i tried M and L and L is still like tight. ARGH. too paiseh to ask for XL so i bought L! time to diet to fit nicely into it (:

clar and i bought a same brown shirt tt is super nice. hee. but samantha dun like, so sad right. didnt get our 3 identical shirts in the end. lol.

bought 3 pairs of earrings again! in bugis. wahahaha it rocks there lar. 3 pairs 5 bucks. cheepcheep. i like! wahahahahaha. but no time shop cos gotta go home early cos somebody tell me to. lol.

I STILL WANNA SHOP!

retail therapy rocks man. i shall go shopping whenever i'm sad. meanwhile i shall save up. whee.

saw a crochet bikini! SUPER NICE! and CHEAP! waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i wan it so badly lar. altho clar and sam say not nice. lol but must believe me ok its really super nice. but i have no shen cai to wear. SO, once again, MUST JIAN FEI! shall reward myself with that when i reach 45kg (if i ever reach lar. but must believe in myself, sure can one!) (:(:

im so happy lar. shopping is like some miracle pill. hee.

k lar. been quite happy these days. yup. (:

{ danced @ 11:41 PM )