Pleasure && Pain

Thursday, August 31, 2006

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went back to anderson today! had fun meeting everybody, seeing that most people are more or less the same, while unfortunately some people grew fat (including myself). but i think pat grew slimmer! i think pat loves me now. lol.

had fun sitting at the hod room with mdm wong (as usual) and her cardboard was full of food (as usual) and we ate alot of it (as usual). lol. mdm wong is funny and blubbly (and abit lame) just like before. mr yong is still single, available and unwanted. mrs ang gave birth to triplets. mdm tey kept her hair long. mrs goh's hairline is still receding. mr tay still rmb all our names (in chinese of course), and he said he's been mugging our names all night last night. haha. the security guard's belly is still enormous, we are still required to sign in before entering the school.

the girls still laugh at whatever jokes even if its not funny (except fabby's of course). george is so tall now. edmund is the president of some weird club. jiji is the vice pres of s&t, treasurer of green link, ct rep and taking chem h3. fabby and kazhua are still as smelly as ever. dean and kazhua are still so crap. meiping and xingying cut their fringe. luan cut her hair short again. hongxiang is still so lame (call my name and look away, caused me to look like an idiot looking all around) and skinny. rosie had half her shirt tucked into her skirt which cuts her calves into half. npg still hangs out tgtr. some people are still scary as ever. some are still ugly as ever. nothing much changed. i do miss anderson so much.

sat around a stone table gossiping abt weewee (codename. hahaha.) was hilarious. went to suki sushi with pat and anqi and we ate surprisingly little. wonder if thats a good or bad thing. hahas. took super nice neoprints. fabby still called pat and i occasionally to ask anqi to check her phone. then anqi had to go and pat and i went to walk ard. talked alot. i love pat. so much. i feel so at ease with her, like totally myself. i can talk english and chinese whenever i feel like it. somehow i feel that she wouldnt judge me negatively. we can gossip endlessly abt everybody and i dun feel guilty at all with her and we both know we wouldnt backstab each other. we can look at earrings, shoes, soft toys, be thick-skinned, criticise the shop in front of the shopkeepers, try on stupid hairbands and stuff, and many many more. life seems so much brighter after meeting up with her. i love her so much!

friends at jc are nice too. guess im fortunate to even have a clique tt calls ourselves a clique (is there clique dinner tonight? lets have a clique outing. she's from our clique leh. etc etc). i didnt expect it at all, i tot i'd only have hi-bye friends in my two years at vjc. but somehow i still open up to anderson ppl more, cos i feel like im being judged the whole time at vj. its so scary to be afraid of being yourself. anderson people find me really fun when im noisy while vjc people say im not demure behind me. i can gossip with anderson ppl without feeling guilty but if im scared if i gossip like how i did to vjc people they'll say im mean and bitchy behind me. anderson ppl recognise the weird people but vjc people are so nice they never gossip abt ppl other than splinter groups. there seem to be no vjc ppl that are completely trustable. anderson ppl are friends with their teachers but vjc ppl cant seem to imagine being close with their teachers. i think none of them play bball with their form teacher and help him solve his r/s (or the lack of) problems, take train with their chinese teacher, eat and GOSSIP with their maths teacher, bla bla bla. its just different. there's just this need to cover myself with something, perhaps a mask, in vj.

i really dun understand how can people not go back to their secondary schools today.

its weird feeling an invisible distance btwn u and the people u were once so close to, and acting like old friends with people u didnt even talk much to in the past. some people were busy acting so shou with everybody. hahaha i found it quite weird.

suddenly, i really dont feel like growing up. i feel like im really too weak, so not fit for the world out there yet. i cant do anything alone. if now im already feeling vulnerable to life, how am i going to survive after 1year plus? sigh. then again, i cant wait for the l*p* with pat when we grow up. HAHAHA.

sometimes i feel like people like to put me down to make themselves feel better. but i think they dun even realise it.

i met my pri sch friend on the train today! omg she's so pretty! anderson people, imagine a person who gives the yiwen feeling but has eyes bigger than pat's. felt weird though, cos we smiled at each other when i boarded the train. then she was hugging and kissing her boyfriend while i was around two steps away alone. --"

my house is scary. its 12am now and there's hammering sound above my flat. i bet soon there'll be marble sounds. its freaking me out. i wished i'd never watched any scary films and read all the scary storybooks.

ta-da~ the one wk holiday ahead is so not enough. sigh.

{ danced @ 10:55 PM )

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